One of the biggest mistakes custodial parents make is not filing for child support. By filing for support and establishing a support order, parents can collect payments beyond when a child reaches the age of 18. One of my client was astonished when she began receiving payments and her children where the ages 24 and 28. She had given up but I explained that she did what millions of custodial parents have failed to do and that is to establish a support order. It is very important that when a parent fails to be responsible financial for his/her children, it is then important to file for child support.
When a custodial parent is in the system, regardless of if the noncustodial parent pays or not, an arrear is established and payment will follow when the system finds the parent. I first recommend that both parents discuss what is a fair payment and work together to raise their children. In some cases, this is the best situation and both parents actually do what they say they would do. However, when the noncustodial parent does not live up to the agreement, the next step is to file with the child support enforcement system. I only recommend this because it begins to establish a record of payment and nonpayment and this can work in the favor of both parents, if paid on time.
When asked the question to custodial parents who have not filed for support in the system, why they have not filed, most parents respond that they do not want the father in their children lives. Others respond that the system does not work so why bother. My response is always the same, the system works if you know how to work the system and a child needs the financial support of both parents. I then divulge the biggest secret of the system, financial support of a child has nothing to do with visitation; the two are separate. However, it is then when delving further into the reason why most parents do not rely on the system, most begin to see why it is important to establish record by entering into the system.
One of the biggest fallacies of the child support system for custodial parents is that it does not work. The system works as mentioned before; however, it is the parents in the system that causes it to not to be as functional as it was designed to be. If both parents put first the needs of their children, are being responsible financially, spiritually, and socially and both are actively involved in their children lives then the need of the children are taken care of. The system then works. However, on the other hand, when one parent takes advantage and does not pay, then it becomes harder to enforce the established support order. Moreover, there are some improvement that needs to be made such as making payments accountable for the needs of each child in the system.
One of my clients is very vexed with the system because they cannot find the father. She has given her caseworker his address which is in another state but the caseworker insist that he lives in the same state that she lives in. For over one year, she has not been able to locate the parent. Even though he calls and speaks to his son periodically, he will not give her an address. Therefore, I explain to my client that it is not the system; it is the parent that evades or is reluctant to pay child support. My suggestion to her is to keep the case open and continue to get as much information from the father as possible to report to her caseworker.
When a noncustodial parent does not work a regular job or has his/her own business, it is easy for them to evade and manipulate the system. It is not only their responsibility as a parent to financial support their children, it is also important that they are actively involved in the live of their children. When custodial parents say that they do not want the other parent in their children lives, I explain that is a selfish notion and it should be up to the children. Most parents are emotionally involved with the other parent and the reason for the breakup in the first place is the motivating factor why the relationship is estranged. The relationship that ensues between a mother and a father is different between parents and their children. Only in extreme cases such as the other parent will harm a child shall a parent be restricted from seeing his/her child.
When encountering the child support system, both parents, custodial and noncustodial parent will face four stages: locate the noncustodial parent, establish paternity, establish order and enforce order. Each stage is important and should not be avoided. Sometimes a support order can be established in as short as three months, and others can take years. The more information a parent has to provide to their casework, the quicker and simpler the process becomes. Lack of information such as the address of the other parent or where the other parent works can delay the process.
Filing for support for your children is very important. The financial support that children receive from the other parent is very instrumental in caring and providing for the needs of our children. When custodial parents do not file, they are allowing noncustodial parents to shirk their responsibility. I recommend to parents who say that they do not want the money to open a trust account and save the money and have it available upon graduation from college to their children to provide a fresh start into life.
Here are a few steps to start your order:
• Call your local child support enforcement office to schedule an appointment to open your case.
• Gather as much information as possible regarding the noncustodial parent such as name, birth date, social security number, address, work name and address, telephone number and each child's name and social security number.
• Bring in birth certificate of each child.
• It may cost $25 to start your case if you are not receiving government assistance.
• Be patient and contact your caseworker on a regular base to get an update on your case. Whenever you receive additional information on the noncustodial parent, provide the information to your caseworker.
• Purchase your copy of The Face of Child Support by Dawnette Lounds-Culp by going to www.angeleyespublishingco.com. The Face of Child Support provides the detailed information mothers and fathers need to manuever successfully through the child support system.
There are no reasons why custodial parents should not file for child support or any reasons why noncustodial parents should shirk their responsibility to their children. It is vital that a support order is establish to keep a record of the amount the noncustodial parent should pay. In cases where payments are not received, the system keeps a record and the amount never goes away until the amount is paid or settled by both parents. Our children deserve both parents' financial support as well as both parents actively involved in their lives.
Friday, November 20, 2009
Wednesday, November 4, 2009
The Resurgence of Good Manners
In the absence of good manners in our daily lives and today’s society, those who practice good etiquette are often times highlighted and stand out. If our manners determine our place or status in society, we are not only failing society, we are failing our children and have reached a new low. I am astonished to see the diminished levels of etiquette among adults in today’s society and to see these manners being transferred to children. However, good manners are not totally eliminated from our society. There is hope that regardless if our lives are filled with so much stress that we are able to maintain a level of humanity and respect for self and for those around us. I am calling for a resurgence of good manners in today’s society.
The simplest definition of etiquette is “the prescribed forms and practice of how one act in society.” If we lived in the world alone, we would not have to be concerned with how we act. However, since our daily encounters involve interactions with others throughout our day, we have to consider how we act around others. Etiquette is exemplified at even the most basic functions in our lives. From your home life to work and church, what you do will determine how others judge or think of you. Just as any doctor will prescribe medicine if you are sick to make you better, I am prescribing that we all practice good manners in our lives.
It takes only three (3) seconds for someone to form an opinion of you upon first meeting you. First impressions are hard to reverse and the level of manners you display determines making a great first impression. The way you dress, the way you speak, how you groom yourself, and many other factors play a paramount role in how others think of you. Since etiquette is a prescribed practice, I recommend that we continue to practice making good decision and positively impacting and affecting those around us.
Answer the following questions to determine your level of good manners.
• When you are in your car and someone wants to cut in, do you allow the person from cutting in?
• Do you have a sit down dinner with your family at least three times a week? I recommend sitting down eating dinner daily with family.
• If you are in the grocery line and have a cart full of grocery and the person behind you have less than 10 products, do you let that person go ahead of you?
• For males, do you open the car door always for your date, girlfriend or wife?
• For females, on a date, are you the one paying for the date more often than the male?
Congratulations to those who answered yes to every question except the last one. You are on your way to making a great and outstanding first and lasting impression. The more we think of how we can make a difference in our own lives and the lives of those around us; the more we can make a positive impact to society and lessen the stress we face daily. When I say “good morning, afternoon or good evening” to someone, it completely changes their day and catch them off guard. Simple things go a long way in the lives of others. Let’s continue to display good manners and demand those around you to do the same. As adults and as parents, what we do and how we act have a direct impact on our children. We lead and teach our children by example. We can make a positive impact on the next generation by practicing good manners because etiquette really starts at home.
The simplest definition of etiquette is “the prescribed forms and practice of how one act in society.” If we lived in the world alone, we would not have to be concerned with how we act. However, since our daily encounters involve interactions with others throughout our day, we have to consider how we act around others. Etiquette is exemplified at even the most basic functions in our lives. From your home life to work and church, what you do will determine how others judge or think of you. Just as any doctor will prescribe medicine if you are sick to make you better, I am prescribing that we all practice good manners in our lives.
It takes only three (3) seconds for someone to form an opinion of you upon first meeting you. First impressions are hard to reverse and the level of manners you display determines making a great first impression. The way you dress, the way you speak, how you groom yourself, and many other factors play a paramount role in how others think of you. Since etiquette is a prescribed practice, I recommend that we continue to practice making good decision and positively impacting and affecting those around us.
Answer the following questions to determine your level of good manners.
• When you are in your car and someone wants to cut in, do you allow the person from cutting in?
• Do you have a sit down dinner with your family at least three times a week? I recommend sitting down eating dinner daily with family.
• If you are in the grocery line and have a cart full of grocery and the person behind you have less than 10 products, do you let that person go ahead of you?
• For males, do you open the car door always for your date, girlfriend or wife?
• For females, on a date, are you the one paying for the date more often than the male?
Congratulations to those who answered yes to every question except the last one. You are on your way to making a great and outstanding first and lasting impression. The more we think of how we can make a difference in our own lives and the lives of those around us; the more we can make a positive impact to society and lessen the stress we face daily. When I say “good morning, afternoon or good evening” to someone, it completely changes their day and catch them off guard. Simple things go a long way in the lives of others. Let’s continue to display good manners and demand those around you to do the same. As adults and as parents, what we do and how we act have a direct impact on our children. We lead and teach our children by example. We can make a positive impact on the next generation by practicing good manners because etiquette really starts at home.
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