GOING THE DISTANCE IN A LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIP

In today’s society, it is not hard to find a relationship, or is it? With the advent of online/internet dating, speed dating, and all other forms and sources of dating, the world of dating and the means to dating has gotten a bit easier. One important factor in dating that I have experienced is long distance dating. Even though I did not meet my boyfriend online or from one of the modern day new wave styles of dating, we met at work. We lived less than 30 miles from one another and would spend a much time together as humanly possible. He then got a job in another state and moved and we decided to continue dating. Since experiencing long distance dating, I have discovered that this type of relationship is prevalent. However, are long distance relationships worth it?

Of all my adult life, and that is literally half my life I have managed to have relationships in the same city, except for one other time. Even though I may travel often, when I returned home, I know that I would have an intimate homecoming waiting. Friends who had long distance relationships I would think, I could never do that. However, having a relationship from afar is somewhat of a common practice. Many celebrities are engaged in this type of relationships. Many internet dating relationships are exposed to getting involved with someone that does not live in the same town or even in the same state or country.

What are the excitements of being so far away from the person your heart beats for? For me, the long telephone conversations that always seem to bring us closer together. We want each other to know everything that has happened in the short time from telephone conversation to the next. Details that are carefully depicted and explained as if we were there experiencing the same as the other. It is the morning wake up calls just to say “good morning and have a great day” with “I love you” always at the end of the conversation. And, those texts that say “I miss you and love you” really bring us closer.

Long distance relationships allow couples to get to know each other by the simple, but most crucial aspect of any relationships, communication. With the distance between you, the only connect you have is the communication between the two of you by any means of today’s communication means, e-mails, Skype, Facebook, telephone, texting, etc. Even though we have been dating two years prior to him moving to another state, our relationship now have taken a turn for the better. We are now making the effort to allow the relationship to continue to grow and become closer, even miles apart.


The old adage that absence makes the heart grows fonder is another excitement of being in a long distance relationship. The times we are together compensate for the times we are apart. The anticipation of seeing one another during a regular interval makes it all worth it. The embrace, the long kisses, the intimacy seem as if it is for the first time, each time.

My favorite of being in a long distance relationship is learning how to be creative. Both people must know how to comfort each other. For instance, my friend Renny said that to make a long distance relationship work, “you have to find someone that knows how to send sunshine when you’re cold, move clouds when the sun gets too warm and blow a hint of lust and love via a gently breeze when you feel extra lonely. Or transform each of you closer to each other with great phone communication. And, there is nothing like foreplay from hundreds and even thousands miles away to stir the pot and make that arrival at the airport a very steamy ride home.” That’s creative dating when nothing but distance and time stands between the two of you. Renny definitely expressed the creativity in how we must endure and make the relationship worth the wait.

It is not all roses when dating someone that lives in another state. On the other side of dating someone from afar are the frustrations of the relationship. When something great happens, I want to celebrate and I want to celebrate with the person I am dating and with close friends. Life is unexpected with good and bad experiences but when you need someone to be there, you realize that he or she is in another city or state and cannot partake in your excitements or disappointments. Delayed celebration becomes the norm and sometimes the emotion of the experience is not the same.

The greatest hindrance of these types of relationship is the decision when the relationship reaches another level. I have a friend Nancy who has a boyfriend in another state. She loves where she lives and so does he. The relationship is at a point where they want to get married; however, neither wants to give up where they live. The decision to move becomes the most important aspect of the relationship. I remember when I first met my ex-husband. We lived in different states and then we decided to get married. I was not going to live in the state he lived and we compromised to pick anywhere but his state. This decision almost became a grave issue in our relationship.

One major suggestion if faced with dating someone in another state is to communicate about important issues upfront. Before you get too serious into the relationship, find common grounds and ask those questions that may be a deal breaker. Questions such as, who is willing to move, how often will you see each other, who will do most of the traveling or will it be shared, how long will you try the relationship, and where do you see the relationship in a period of time (six months, one year, two years, etc.)

All in all you take the good you take the bad and there you will have the facts of dating someone long distance. The relationship can work, but it will take creativity, patience, trust and the deep love for each other. Your long distance journey awaits you.