Everything Is Not Always Black or White, There Are Always Gray Areas: Interracial Relationships

From the beginning of time, various cultures and race have entered into successful and meaningful relationships. Even though some have been met with various opposition and turmoil, there have been an infusion of interracial relationships with every race and culture. What is most important is the love each relationship shares. Then why are interracial relationships an issue in today's society? When you see a couple of a different race together in today's society, what is your first thought?

Imagine going to your favorite restaurant and when ordering from the menu you are told that you are expected to and can only order an entree from the beef selections. You really want an entree from the chicken choices that was recommended to you but you are prohibited from ordering any chicken entree and only have to choose from the selections with beef. Even though beef offers many delicious options from prime steak to hamburgers and you have had beef each time you have ate dinner at the restaurant, you are now becoming fond of a particular chicken entree and you have a desire and taste for it. You then settle for a beef choice, not very pleased, happy or fulfilled. That would be appalling , not ordering what you want but only what is expected and/or given as an option to you.

When it comes to dating, love and marriage, our hearts may lead us in a direction that involves loving someone from a different race; something that is taboo in certain cultures and race and to certain people. Most large metropolitan cities are open to such relationships more so than some small rural towns. Are people in this country really ready to embrace such widespread of relationships?

For the last two years, I have enjoyed a wonderful relationship with a man I hope to marry one day. When we met, our encounter was magical and there was an instant attraction that I could not explain. I was planning a radio show on the "War on Military Marriages" and he was one of the people I interviewed. He had been in the military for many years and married the same amount of years, but he was going through a divorce. After the interview, we kept in touch and began dating shortly after his divorce. Two years later, we are enjoying a wonderful relationship filled with so much love and excitement. Now, would it be an issue if he was from a different race than mine?

He is from a different race and we enjoy being with each other tremendously. To us and many other interracial relationships, the ability to love without having limitations open doors for various cultures and race to intermingle and learn, grow and understand each other's background. Of course there is much more to falling in love, however, if I was denied the right to date or marry him, I would feel as if my constitutional rights were being take away and I am sure he would feel the same. Fortunately, we are not treading down that road and realize that if and when it happens, we hope we do not meet any resistance. To date, we have not had anyone comment negatively about our relationship. Moreover, we have had many people approach us while at dinner or in other public places telling us how loving and great we look together.

Enter Katelyn and Todd who have been dating for the past three years. After recently hearing Katelyn's stories of her many encounters of being shunned and ostracized by people of Todd's race, I was flabbergasted and was in disbelief. For instance, she recounted an occasion when she met Todd at an upscale restaurant and when arriving before him at the restaurant, the stares and whispering began. Upon Todd arriving and introducing her to some of his friends who also frequented the restaurant, both realized the negative and disdained reception she received. They decided to leave that restaurant and to go to a restaurant of Katelyn choice. This happened nearly three years ago, but the hurt and despair she felt was relived as she told me the story. Some of Todd's friends are no longer his friends because of his relationship with Katelyn. Katelyn and Todd are still together and I see the love they have for each other.

That is what love is about, how someone makes you feel when you are together and not based on the color of one's skin complexion. I am really enjoying myself in my relationship and pray that we never are encountered with any negative situations as it relates to our race. From my experience, I believe America is ready for such a diversity of relationships. However, not everyone will embrace it as experienced by Katelyn. When we allow love to guide us in our lives, we can overcome the most negative situation encountered because when two people love each other, it should not matter if they are of different race?

Sam remembers being excited about going on a date with Amber. They had met in the post office the day before and he was absolutely stunned by her beauty and poise. Sam was so nervous to commence a conversation with her but after he did, Sam remembers how comfortable Amber made him feel. She was from a different race but Sam saw no color or differences, only what he felt in his heart. It was a beautiful sunny day and they met in the park to have a picnic. Sam's eyes lightened when he saw Amber approaching and wanted desperately to run and grab her in his arms. Composing himself, he waited until she came to the bench where he sat and gave her a nice hug. Amber was wonderful and he instantly had feelings for her. He wanted to go out again with her. Planning the date, he wanted to impress her and invited her to a function with his co-workers. After meeting Amber, Sam's co-workers voiced their opinion to him on the relationship and he felt pressured. He ended the relationship with Amber and to date, still regrets his decision. Sam has never felt that way about another person.

Interracial relationships are increasing and becoming the norm. On television, you will find shows and programs that have interracial relationships. In a major dating site commercial it advertises an interracial couple that married from meeting on its site. In the movies and even with celebrities, interracial dating and marriages are seen more often. If some people in this country are not ready for interracial relationships, embrace yourself because it is here and will always be here. Love happens in many ways to many people, does it really matter if it happens to two people of different race?

Can We Just Get Along and Stay Married

If you've been married, you're quite familiar with these words, "To have and to hold from this day forward, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death us do part." Or you may have been creative and wrote your own wedding vows. How long do these words last in our marriages? For me, two years and I was divorced. I thought, when I get married, I would be married for the rest of my life. I can remember during our engagement, we talked about being together in our nineties and still walking with each other. We couldn't wait to be married. Then, why am I divorced? Why are you divorced? Why don't marriages last? And, how many of us actually go into a marriage thinking we are going to get a divorce?

The questions are many, but the results are the same. Divorces are rampant in our society and marriages are becoming obsolete. Research has shown that the divorce rates are higher in European or American countries, where individual freedom is given higher stress, than in, say, Asian or African ones, where familial and social opinions cause higher stress. I can remember when being divorce was taboo and people got married and stayed together for better or for worse. Society frowned on divorce and the traditional families were intact. Since my parents were divorce for as long as I can remember, I thought that I would never get a divorce and beat the odds. I too frowned on divorces. However, as mentioned above, I make up the 51% of first marriages ending in divorce and many of my family and friends join me in this category, unfortunately. Then why aren't marriages working and why aren't we taking our vows seriously?

Could one reason be that there are many complex relationships in today's society? I did a radio show recently on relationships. My producer researched the subject and some of the relationship dynamics she discovered were men and women in relationships are cohabiting, same sex marriages, step parenting, and individuals opting to have a baby without being married for example. I was astonished when Halle Berry said on national television on the Oprah Winfrey Show that she wanted to have a baby but not get married. Years later, that's exactly what she did.

Centuries ago, the Romans had an interesting view towards marriage. They thought that marriages out to be free and either spouse could opt out of the marriage if things weren't going as they planned. Based on divorce courts and the current divorce rate and statistics, we are adopting the Roman's view towards marriage. Marriages are dissolved as easy as for "Irreconcilable Differences." Even though many books are written on dating, relationships, and strengthening marriages, people are breaking wedding vows for different reasons. When men and women can begin to understand each other and communicate with each other, we can live happily, build meaningful relationships and stay married. What a wonderful world that will be! I'm willing to try, are you?

There are many different but common reasons for divorces such as lack of communication, financial problems, and abuse; however, none of them seem common to the people going through a divorce. Regardless of the reasons, men and women must find a way to keep marriages healthy and working. I want to take that step again and get married. This time, I want to defy the odds that 67% of second marriages end in a divorce. I want to learn from my first marriage and have a second change for love and marriage. I'm ready, are you?