Child support or the lack there of is a serious problem as well as a divisive issue between mothers and fathers. When you hear those two words, “child support” one immediately thinks about the financial support one parent provides the other. However, child support is much, much more than the financial obligation, child support is the total relationship between both parents. Think about those two words “child support” and what do they mean to you? Your answer will play an integral role in how you relate to the other parent.
Let’s turn those two words around “child support” to mean “support child.” As parents, we have allowed our emotions and the lack of parental responsibilities toward the other parent to guide us in our role as parents. We have forgotten that as parents our responsibility is to raise/support our children and make a better world for them. The price of parenthood is responsibility to our children. This sounds so farfetched to some parents because their whole existence has been to exact revenge, to hate, to keep away and to make the other parent’s life a living hell.
There are over 16 million families in the child support system. Mothers comprised the 85% that are custodial parents and fathers make up the 15% that are noncustodial parents. Since 1975, over $100 billion is owed in unpaid, uncollected child support. Why are noncustodial parents evading and resisting paying child support? The answer can be found in one easy question, how do they relate to the other parent? There are so many parenting books, articles, and materials that you can read, however, the one important aspect of parenting is the relationship we have with the other parent. Do you speak to the other parent? Do you respect the other parent? Do you talk bad about the other parent to your children? The questions are endless; however we must begin to form a lovely relationship with the other parent for the sake of our children.
During my consulting sessions with noncustodial parents and through information compiled from my workshops, I’ve found that the number one reason noncustodial parents evade or is reluctant to pay child support and their anger, animosity and frustration with their ability to be an effective parents is their relationship with the other parent. Regardless of the existing relationship with the other parent, it is time and it is important that you begin to form, to create, to make certain that at least an amicable relationship exist between you and the other parent. Our children deserve the best from both parents. When we allow our emotions to dictate our role as parents, we are failing our children, we are failing as parents. Let’s strengthen the relationship with the other parent by first letting go of the past and letting go of negative emotions.
Both parents must, for the sake of our children, begin to learn how to communicate with the other parent. First, start by answering this question, what is your relationship with the other parent? The answer plays a major role in the rest of your children lives. What you do now does affect them for the rest of their lives.
Visit www.angeleyespublishingco.com to learn more about how you can strengthen the relationship with the other parent. We owe it to our children to support them.
Monday, August 24, 2009
Monday, August 17, 2009
We Are Cursing Our Children If....
Even though we vary in parenting styles, even if we are no longer together, and even though we have a child or children together, can we agree on one thing? Can we all just get along as parents? I can’t say it enough, when we are no longer with the other parent of our children, we must get past the anger, hurt, devastation, and upsets that we experienced with the other parent. Why is this important? It’s important because our actions toward the other parent can be detrimental or even fatal to our children. We are affecting our children emotionally and putting them in matters that they have no business in. When we talk bad about the other parent in the presence of our children and teach our children to disrespect the other parent, we are cursing our children.
Let me re-introduce a law that you may have heard of before. This law stands the test of time. It’s one that is taught in Sunday schools and one that your parents may have taught you. This law states, “Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be prolonged in the land which the Lord your God gives you.” Parents, when we teach, instruct and cause our children to disrespect, dishonor the other parent, we are inherently cursing our children. It doesn’t matter what religion, nationality, age, race, or creed, this law is universal and affects everyone.
The commandment did not say honor one parent, a mother or a father, it was specific, it said honor both parents. I love my two sons, and there is nothing I want more is for them to live a long, spiritual, happy, successful and prosperous life. I caution what I say to them and teach them to not only love their fathers, but also to respect and honor their fathers.
Just recently my oldest my son called me about something his father did. He said “mommy, I had to keep my mouth shut before I said something I would regret to him.” I was so proud of him. I asked and he explained to me what happened and then said to him, “I can’t go against your father, however, I’m here to listen to you and offer my advice on how you can cope with what you are feeling.”
One of the growing problems that children are facing is parental alienation clinically known as Parental Alienation Syndrome.
What is Parental Alienation Syndrome (PAS)?
This is the definition of PAS as described by R.A. Gardner who discovered the syndrome and has become an expert in dealing with the issue.
Gardner's definition of PAS is:
"The parental alienation syndrome (PAS) is a disorder that arises primarily in the context of child-custody disputes. Its primary manifestation is the child's campaign of denigration against a parent, a campaign that has no justification. It results from the combination of a programming (brainwashing) parent's indoctrinations and the child's own contributions to the vilification of the target parent."
“Basically, this means that through verbal and nonverbal thoughts, actions and mannerisms, a child is emotionally abused (brainwashed) into thinking the other parent is the enemy. This ranges from bad mouthing the other parent in front of the children, to withholding visits, to pre-arranging the activities for the children while visiting with the other parent.”
Parents who knowing or unknowing do this, there is a clinical name for what you are doing. So, let’s start a new campaign. I’m calling it STOP and START. Let’s STOP cursing our children and teach them to love the other parent unconditionally. For parents to accomplish this, we must START to get past the hurt, anger and animosity that exists between us and the other parent and START to appreciate the gift that the other parent is in our children lives.
Can we agree on one thing, our children deserve to live a prolonged life.
Let me re-introduce a law that you may have heard of before. This law stands the test of time. It’s one that is taught in Sunday schools and one that your parents may have taught you. This law states, “Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be prolonged in the land which the Lord your God gives you.” Parents, when we teach, instruct and cause our children to disrespect, dishonor the other parent, we are inherently cursing our children. It doesn’t matter what religion, nationality, age, race, or creed, this law is universal and affects everyone.
The commandment did not say honor one parent, a mother or a father, it was specific, it said honor both parents. I love my two sons, and there is nothing I want more is for them to live a long, spiritual, happy, successful and prosperous life. I caution what I say to them and teach them to not only love their fathers, but also to respect and honor their fathers.
Just recently my oldest my son called me about something his father did. He said “mommy, I had to keep my mouth shut before I said something I would regret to him.” I was so proud of him. I asked and he explained to me what happened and then said to him, “I can’t go against your father, however, I’m here to listen to you and offer my advice on how you can cope with what you are feeling.”
One of the growing problems that children are facing is parental alienation clinically known as Parental Alienation Syndrome.
What is Parental Alienation Syndrome (PAS)?
This is the definition of PAS as described by R.A. Gardner who discovered the syndrome and has become an expert in dealing with the issue.
Gardner's definition of PAS is:
"The parental alienation syndrome (PAS) is a disorder that arises primarily in the context of child-custody disputes. Its primary manifestation is the child's campaign of denigration against a parent, a campaign that has no justification. It results from the combination of a programming (brainwashing) parent's indoctrinations and the child's own contributions to the vilification of the target parent."
“Basically, this means that through verbal and nonverbal thoughts, actions and mannerisms, a child is emotionally abused (brainwashed) into thinking the other parent is the enemy. This ranges from bad mouthing the other parent in front of the children, to withholding visits, to pre-arranging the activities for the children while visiting with the other parent.”
Parents who knowing or unknowing do this, there is a clinical name for what you are doing. So, let’s start a new campaign. I’m calling it STOP and START. Let’s STOP cursing our children and teach them to love the other parent unconditionally. For parents to accomplish this, we must START to get past the hurt, anger and animosity that exists between us and the other parent and START to appreciate the gift that the other parent is in our children lives.
Can we agree on one thing, our children deserve to live a prolonged life.
Monday, August 10, 2009
Who’s Going to Step Up?
“I believe the children are our future, teach them well and let them lead the way.” In today’s society, did we forget about this song that was once popular. Or, has parenting changed from our parents and grandparents. I can remember as a child that I would get spanking and reprimanded for just about everything I did wrong. I seldom recall, but on few occasions getting praised for something by my parents. Have we lost the sense to discipline our children?
I have two sons, 15 and 5 years old. I can remember on several occasions a waitress or waiter would tell me, I wish more parents were like you to discipline their children when they do wrong. No, I am not a tyrant or Mommy dearest, but I do know that “teach a child in the way that he must go and when he is old enough, he will not depart from it.” I want each of my sons to have the best in life, and that comes from having great character, discipline, respectful and most of all to love themselves.
I have seen parents let kids run wild in restaurants. I’ve seen parents allow their children to talk back to them. I’ve know parents who do not want to take their children out because they are embarrassed of how their children behave. Now, I think, whose fault is that, and my response is always, the parents’ fault.
Are we living in a society when more single parents are raising their children and they tire of disciplining them? Are we letting our children being raised by video games, text messaging or by music that have derogatory meaning and disrespectful in nature? Are so many absent fathers affecting children that they have no respect for their fathers or for others?
The answers are many, however, we must as parents take control of our children’ lives and bring discipline back as a way of teaching our children right from wrong. If we allow our children to get away with misdeeds now, they are learning that they can get away with anything and not have any consequences or accountability. As a child in your home, that may seem okay to you, however to society, that child is a menace to society. That same child that did not get disciplined at home will more than likely fall in the juvenile system or even be tried as an adult.
Therefore, our children are our future. It is our responsibility as parents to teach them well so they can lead the way. Take a look at your parenting style and honestly answer the question, have you taught your child in a way that when he/she is older, they will not depart from your teaching?
I have two sons, 15 and 5 years old. I can remember on several occasions a waitress or waiter would tell me, I wish more parents were like you to discipline their children when they do wrong. No, I am not a tyrant or Mommy dearest, but I do know that “teach a child in the way that he must go and when he is old enough, he will not depart from it.” I want each of my sons to have the best in life, and that comes from having great character, discipline, respectful and most of all to love themselves.
I have seen parents let kids run wild in restaurants. I’ve seen parents allow their children to talk back to them. I’ve know parents who do not want to take their children out because they are embarrassed of how their children behave. Now, I think, whose fault is that, and my response is always, the parents’ fault.
Are we living in a society when more single parents are raising their children and they tire of disciplining them? Are we letting our children being raised by video games, text messaging or by music that have derogatory meaning and disrespectful in nature? Are so many absent fathers affecting children that they have no respect for their fathers or for others?
The answers are many, however, we must as parents take control of our children’ lives and bring discipline back as a way of teaching our children right from wrong. If we allow our children to get away with misdeeds now, they are learning that they can get away with anything and not have any consequences or accountability. As a child in your home, that may seem okay to you, however to society, that child is a menace to society. That same child that did not get disciplined at home will more than likely fall in the juvenile system or even be tried as an adult.
Therefore, our children are our future. It is our responsibility as parents to teach them well so they can lead the way. Take a look at your parenting style and honestly answer the question, have you taught your child in a way that when he/she is older, they will not depart from your teaching?
Monday, August 3, 2009
MVP - Most Valuable Parent
One of the greatest problems affecting families, especially children, is fatherless homes. The majority of children in single parent homes have not seen there fathers in years, some their lifetime. Even though more fathers are playing key roles and are actively participating in the lives of their children, the fathers that have abandoned their children are even more devastating. The number of absent fathers is astonishing.
One in four children have not seen their fathers in five years. The effects of absent fathers on teenagers are negative. Teenage girls will more likely become pregnant and teenage boys will more likely be involved in violence. The paths to fatherless homes are through divorce and children being born out of wedlock.
Now, how can we prevent or lessen this phenomenon of fatherless homes? The question is perplexed and the answers are many, however, the first step begins before a child is conceived. We have to begin to make better decisions and choices about the person we are dating, both men and women. And while we are dating, we have to delve deep into the other person’s character by getting to know the person much better than we have been doing in the past.
I know adults who have never seen their fathers or do not know who their fathers are. As parents, we have negatively affected our children by taken away the most valuable asset they can have, two loving parents actively involved in their lives.
Are you a MVP?
One in four children have not seen their fathers in five years. The effects of absent fathers on teenagers are negative. Teenage girls will more likely become pregnant and teenage boys will more likely be involved in violence. The paths to fatherless homes are through divorce and children being born out of wedlock.
Now, how can we prevent or lessen this phenomenon of fatherless homes? The question is perplexed and the answers are many, however, the first step begins before a child is conceived. We have to begin to make better decisions and choices about the person we are dating, both men and women. And while we are dating, we have to delve deep into the other person’s character by getting to know the person much better than we have been doing in the past.
I know adults who have never seen their fathers or do not know who their fathers are. As parents, we have negatively affected our children by taken away the most valuable asset they can have, two loving parents actively involved in their lives.
Are you a MVP?
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