GOING THE DISTANCE IN A LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIP

In today’s society, it is not hard to find a relationship, or is it? With the advent of online/internet dating, speed dating, and all other forms and sources of dating, the world of dating and the means to dating has gotten a bit easier. One important factor in dating that I have experienced is long distance dating. Even though I did not meet my boyfriend online or from one of the modern day new wave styles of dating, we met at work. We lived less than 30 miles from one another and would spend a much time together as humanly possible. He then got a job in another state and moved and we decided to continue dating. Since experiencing long distance dating, I have discovered that this type of relationship is prevalent. However, are long distance relationships worth it?

Of all my adult life, and that is literally half my life I have managed to have relationships in the same city, except for one other time. Even though I may travel often, when I returned home, I know that I would have an intimate homecoming waiting. Friends who had long distance relationships I would think, I could never do that. However, having a relationship from afar is somewhat of a common practice. Many celebrities are engaged in this type of relationships. Many internet dating relationships are exposed to getting involved with someone that does not live in the same town or even in the same state or country.

What are the excitements of being so far away from the person your heart beats for? For me, the long telephone conversations that always seem to bring us closer together. We want each other to know everything that has happened in the short time from telephone conversation to the next. Details that are carefully depicted and explained as if we were there experiencing the same as the other. It is the morning wake up calls just to say “good morning and have a great day” with “I love you” always at the end of the conversation. And, those texts that say “I miss you and love you” really bring us closer.

Long distance relationships allow couples to get to know each other by the simple, but most crucial aspect of any relationships, communication. With the distance between you, the only connect you have is the communication between the two of you by any means of today’s communication means, e-mails, Skype, Facebook, telephone, texting, etc. Even though we have been dating two years prior to him moving to another state, our relationship now have taken a turn for the better. We are now making the effort to allow the relationship to continue to grow and become closer, even miles apart.


The old adage that absence makes the heart grows fonder is another excitement of being in a long distance relationship. The times we are together compensate for the times we are apart. The anticipation of seeing one another during a regular interval makes it all worth it. The embrace, the long kisses, the intimacy seem as if it is for the first time, each time.

My favorite of being in a long distance relationship is learning how to be creative. Both people must know how to comfort each other. For instance, my friend Renny said that to make a long distance relationship work, “you have to find someone that knows how to send sunshine when you’re cold, move clouds when the sun gets too warm and blow a hint of lust and love via a gently breeze when you feel extra lonely. Or transform each of you closer to each other with great phone communication. And, there is nothing like foreplay from hundreds and even thousands miles away to stir the pot and make that arrival at the airport a very steamy ride home.” That’s creative dating when nothing but distance and time stands between the two of you. Renny definitely expressed the creativity in how we must endure and make the relationship worth the wait.

It is not all roses when dating someone that lives in another state. On the other side of dating someone from afar are the frustrations of the relationship. When something great happens, I want to celebrate and I want to celebrate with the person I am dating and with close friends. Life is unexpected with good and bad experiences but when you need someone to be there, you realize that he or she is in another city or state and cannot partake in your excitements or disappointments. Delayed celebration becomes the norm and sometimes the emotion of the experience is not the same.

The greatest hindrance of these types of relationship is the decision when the relationship reaches another level. I have a friend Nancy who has a boyfriend in another state. She loves where she lives and so does he. The relationship is at a point where they want to get married; however, neither wants to give up where they live. The decision to move becomes the most important aspect of the relationship. I remember when I first met my ex-husband. We lived in different states and then we decided to get married. I was not going to live in the state he lived and we compromised to pick anywhere but his state. This decision almost became a grave issue in our relationship.

One major suggestion if faced with dating someone in another state is to communicate about important issues upfront. Before you get too serious into the relationship, find common grounds and ask those questions that may be a deal breaker. Questions such as, who is willing to move, how often will you see each other, who will do most of the traveling or will it be shared, how long will you try the relationship, and where do you see the relationship in a period of time (six months, one year, two years, etc.)

All in all you take the good you take the bad and there you will have the facts of dating someone long distance. The relationship can work, but it will take creativity, patience, trust and the deep love for each other. Your long distance journey awaits you.

Everything Is Not Always Black or White, There Are Always Gray Areas: Interracial Relationships

From the beginning of time, various cultures and race have entered into successful and meaningful relationships. Even though some have been met with various opposition and turmoil, there have been an infusion of interracial relationships with every race and culture. What is most important is the love each relationship shares. Then why are interracial relationships an issue in today's society? When you see a couple of a different race together in today's society, what is your first thought?

Imagine going to your favorite restaurant and when ordering from the menu you are told that you are expected to and can only order an entree from the beef selections. You really want an entree from the chicken choices that was recommended to you but you are prohibited from ordering any chicken entree and only have to choose from the selections with beef. Even though beef offers many delicious options from prime steak to hamburgers and you have had beef each time you have ate dinner at the restaurant, you are now becoming fond of a particular chicken entree and you have a desire and taste for it. You then settle for a beef choice, not very pleased, happy or fulfilled. That would be appalling , not ordering what you want but only what is expected and/or given as an option to you.

When it comes to dating, love and marriage, our hearts may lead us in a direction that involves loving someone from a different race; something that is taboo in certain cultures and race and to certain people. Most large metropolitan cities are open to such relationships more so than some small rural towns. Are people in this country really ready to embrace such widespread of relationships?

For the last two years, I have enjoyed a wonderful relationship with a man I hope to marry one day. When we met, our encounter was magical and there was an instant attraction that I could not explain. I was planning a radio show on the "War on Military Marriages" and he was one of the people I interviewed. He had been in the military for many years and married the same amount of years, but he was going through a divorce. After the interview, we kept in touch and began dating shortly after his divorce. Two years later, we are enjoying a wonderful relationship filled with so much love and excitement. Now, would it be an issue if he was from a different race than mine?

He is from a different race and we enjoy being with each other tremendously. To us and many other interracial relationships, the ability to love without having limitations open doors for various cultures and race to intermingle and learn, grow and understand each other's background. Of course there is much more to falling in love, however, if I was denied the right to date or marry him, I would feel as if my constitutional rights were being take away and I am sure he would feel the same. Fortunately, we are not treading down that road and realize that if and when it happens, we hope we do not meet any resistance. To date, we have not had anyone comment negatively about our relationship. Moreover, we have had many people approach us while at dinner or in other public places telling us how loving and great we look together.

Enter Katelyn and Todd who have been dating for the past three years. After recently hearing Katelyn's stories of her many encounters of being shunned and ostracized by people of Todd's race, I was flabbergasted and was in disbelief. For instance, she recounted an occasion when she met Todd at an upscale restaurant and when arriving before him at the restaurant, the stares and whispering began. Upon Todd arriving and introducing her to some of his friends who also frequented the restaurant, both realized the negative and disdained reception she received. They decided to leave that restaurant and to go to a restaurant of Katelyn choice. This happened nearly three years ago, but the hurt and despair she felt was relived as she told me the story. Some of Todd's friends are no longer his friends because of his relationship with Katelyn. Katelyn and Todd are still together and I see the love they have for each other.

That is what love is about, how someone makes you feel when you are together and not based on the color of one's skin complexion. I am really enjoying myself in my relationship and pray that we never are encountered with any negative situations as it relates to our race. From my experience, I believe America is ready for such a diversity of relationships. However, not everyone will embrace it as experienced by Katelyn. When we allow love to guide us in our lives, we can overcome the most negative situation encountered because when two people love each other, it should not matter if they are of different race?

Sam remembers being excited about going on a date with Amber. They had met in the post office the day before and he was absolutely stunned by her beauty and poise. Sam was so nervous to commence a conversation with her but after he did, Sam remembers how comfortable Amber made him feel. She was from a different race but Sam saw no color or differences, only what he felt in his heart. It was a beautiful sunny day and they met in the park to have a picnic. Sam's eyes lightened when he saw Amber approaching and wanted desperately to run and grab her in his arms. Composing himself, he waited until she came to the bench where he sat and gave her a nice hug. Amber was wonderful and he instantly had feelings for her. He wanted to go out again with her. Planning the date, he wanted to impress her and invited her to a function with his co-workers. After meeting Amber, Sam's co-workers voiced their opinion to him on the relationship and he felt pressured. He ended the relationship with Amber and to date, still regrets his decision. Sam has never felt that way about another person.

Interracial relationships are increasing and becoming the norm. On television, you will find shows and programs that have interracial relationships. In a major dating site commercial it advertises an interracial couple that married from meeting on its site. In the movies and even with celebrities, interracial dating and marriages are seen more often. If some people in this country are not ready for interracial relationships, embrace yourself because it is here and will always be here. Love happens in many ways to many people, does it really matter if it happens to two people of different race?

MVP - Most Valuable Parent

One of the greatest problems affecting families, especially children, is fatherless homes. The majority of children in single parent homes have not seen there fathers in years, some their lifetime. Even though more fathers are playing key roles and are actively participating in the lives of their children, the fathers that have abandoned their children are even more devastating. The number of absent fathers is astonishing.

One in four children have not seen their fathers in five years. The effects of absent fathers on teenagers are negative. Teenage girls will more likely become pregnant and teenage boys will more likely be involved in violence. The paths to fatherless homes are through divorce and children being born out of wedlock.

Now, how can we prevent or lessen this phenomenon of fatherless homes? The question is perplexed and the answers are many, however, the first step begins before a child is conceived. We have to begin to make better decisions and choices about the person we are dating, both men and women. And while we are dating, we have to delve deep into the other person’s character by getting to know the person much better than we have been doing in the past.

I know adults who have never seen their fathers or do not know who their fathers are. As parents, we have negatively affected our children by taken away the most valuable asset they can have, two loving parents actively involved in their lives.

Are you a MVP?